« Mystery Inc. | Main | "You cultural degenerate you!" »

June 05, 2005

The One About the Salads

Where did it all go wrong? This column’s house band, $chmackey & the Salads lost in last weeks much anticipated Battle of the Bands show down. Well, they didn’t lose as such. They just didn’t win. And if the resounding chants of “SALAD!” we’re anything to go by, they certainly came second place. Metaphorically speaking, as there wasn’t a second place as such. But if there was, the chants of “SALAD!” would have confirmed it. Their entrance was epic. All lights in the Riverbank went out and darkness enveloped the theatre. The 150 something crowd began shouting “$chmackey! $chamckey!” and as they did the infamous light blue words that are “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . .” appeared on the backdrop. A split second later the gigantic “SALAD WARS” logo blasted onto the screen at the crowd went into a frenzy. A frenzy for salad. Then, as the projected yellow text telling the story of the Salads latest space-age adventure rolled over the audience, the people everyone were here to see made there way to the stage to sing their original song – “The Star Wars Rap.” Then the euphoric “My Little Paradise” followed by an electric cover of Elton John’s “Crocodile Rock,” and finishing with a song that is probably now unintentionally the Salads signature song – “Getta Out of My Way (The Matt Dillon Song). “I’m Matt Dillon, get out of my way / Me and your sister gonna hit the hay” The crowd went crazier than a Maison de Santé.

One might think at this stage that I was giving biased coverage owing to the fact the Salads are this column’s house band. In thinking that, you would be absolutely correct. But, as I asked earlier, where did it all go wrong? Was Frank E. Stein off key on the keyboard? Did Hank Tree play like a tree? Was Hash Brown playing like Donkey Kong? And most importantly, was Rich Clifford playing at all? $chmackey himself had this to say on the matter, “It’s unexplainable. No one seems to know why we lost. Billions of people are wondering why?” Indeed.

Trains, Buses & Automobiles by Liam Geraghty appears every week in the Kildare Nationalist (page 6)

Posted by LiamG at June 5, 2005 10:09 PM