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June 05, 2005

The Cut Out and Keep Guide To Commuting (Part 3)

This week marks the conclusion of our long-running series of “Cut Out and Keep Guides to Commuting.” When using a scissors always make sure you get an adult to do the cutting.

Ticket Inspectors: Quick! Hide in the toilet until he’s gone!

While on your daily commuting route you will encounter ticket inspectors. These people are they’re to enforce the Irish Rail slogan of “Get a ticket, not a criminal record.” If asked, opt for the ticket. Take caution whilst trying to bluff your way out of buying a ticket and take note that the following excuses do not work: “I lost it.” Yeah, sure you did. “I left it at home.” Along with your wallet? “On my way to the station I was stopped by a Japanese man collecting business cards and I accidentally gave him my ticket instead of my business card.” If that’s the case, let me see your business card. Be warned that ticket inspectors don’t take nonsense. Only cash. For tickets.

TAXI: I used to love that show

As a commuter one of the available modes of transport to you is the taxicab. Commonly thought of as expensive, cabs are far cheaper than when they used to be, eh . . .expensive. A taxi from O’Connell Bridge to Hueston Station costs, at a rough estimate, about €6. Depending on the traffic this figure can swell or decrease. While we don’t endorse that you get a taxi every single day (that would just be gratuitous) we do recommend that every once and a while you divulge. Our tests have shown that there’s nothing better than strolling across the road from the leaky bus shelter outside USIT, hoping into a comfy cab and staring out at the hundred other commuters standing out in the pouring rain as you pull off on your way to Hueston. Waving at them will increase your pleasure.

Seats: Where’s hot and where’s not to sit this season

For early morning commuters in Newbridge, consider yourself lucky if you can claim a seat. By that stage most of them are usually taken up by snoring Kildare and Portlaoise people. On the Arrow sitting at the table seats are most definitely in this Winter/Spring. Don’t ask us why. On evening trains seats are just as hard to get. As you stand on platform one along with two hundred other tired commuters, every little move you make could affect your changes of getting a seat. As the Arrow pulls in to the platform and begins to slow down just stand still. Even though it looks like its nearly stopped and there’s no door near you – keep still. Hardcore commuters know that if you start moving down to get closer to a door, that the Arrow always moves again no matter how slow and thus, your chances of getting a seat will have been diminished greatly. Also remember that if you have managed to land yourself a seat, putting your bag on the seat next to you is not advisable. Tired office workers with aching legs are not a force to be reckoned with.

Trains, Buses & Automobiles by Liam Geraghty appears every week in the Kildare Nationalist (page 6)

Posted by LiamG at June 5, 2005 10:19 PM