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June 05, 2005

The Column All About Love

Friday 5.20pm Hueston Station

Standing in the remarkably long queue for the 5.20pm Arrow, it suddenly hits me. Not the Arrow you understand. Love. The extraordinarily complex feeling that is, without a doubt, the most wonderful thing in the world. Words find it hard to describe. Breathtaking. Astonishing. Magnificent. And then I think to myself what would it feel like to find true Love? How do you find it? Where do you find it? Is it possible I could fall in Love with someone on the train? On the bus even? Hell, I spend over 15 hours a week in transit; it’s possible isn’t it? I glance around at my fellow commuters and spot several young ladies I could quite easily find myself falling in Love with. The Arrow arrives. It’s late but at this stage everybody’s just happy it turned up at all. Walking down the platform to the first carriage I meet Murtaigh Corrigan, a civil servant. I can spot them a mile away. I make polite conversation. “Have you seen ‘The Passion of the Christ’ yet?” I ask. Murtaigh seems bemused. “Sure why would I bother? I already know the ending.” Touché.

As the Arrow pulls out of the station, my thoughts wander back into Love territory. I just can’t figure it out. It’s time to call in the experts. The experts being a motley bunch of my charming friends. I text a simple message to each one. It reads, “What is love?” With any luck one of them will have figured it out. As we pass through Cherry Orchard Station, I get my first reply. It’s from Newbridge scouser Paul Winters. It reads “Eh…..? What are you on about?” Off to a bad start. Nearing Hazelhatch Station, I receive another text. This one’s from Madeleine. She states “Love is subjective.” I sigh. Love being subjective is absolutely no help to me. A few minutes later my phone vibrates again, excited by another Love text no doubt. This time it’s from my bubbly Donegal friend, Allison. Her text reads, “What is Love? Let me think!!! Liam have you been drinking or have you been watching ‘Love, actually’ again?” She’s half right. I just bought ‘Love, actually’ on DVD and watch it obsessively. Damn, that girl knows me too well. BEEP, BEEP. BEEP, BEEP. The phone again. It’s Liz out in Narraghmore. “Well I could define it but only if you tell me the meaning of life,” she says. That’s a deal I can’t make. The meaning of life is a secret I’ve sworn to keep to myself. We’re approaching Sallins & Naas Station and I’m still no wiser on Love. If I don’t find out by Newbridge Station I’ll be hopelessly lost in the murky depths of Love forever.

Two texts come through at that moment. I’ve got half the country working on the matter! The first is from my cynical script writing buddy Leo. He says, “What is Love? That’s a very profound text Liam. I can’t describe it because it is an illusion. A mere combination of chemicals in the brain.” This really isn’t going well. I open the next text. It’s from my Snuff-sniffing friend John in Co. Clare. He’s quoted several lines from different Love songs that appeared in ‘Moulin Rouge’. “All you need is Love – The Beetles. Love lifts us up where we belong/to a mountain high/where the eagles fly. All the info you want to know is in that flick.” I make a mental note to rent out a copy of that film. Nearly at Newbridge Station when the phone rings. Caller I.D. says it’s the ‘Delectable Mr. Pyne’ in other words my fellow writer friend Anthony. He and I are part of the new hip urban literati. I pick up. “Hello?” “Liam, I have just one question to ask,” he says. “Ask away, my friend.” He takes a deep breath. “Will you marry me?” I smoothly turn down his offer. “I’m already engaged, my friend.” Which is sort of true. The lovely Laura McGann once said she’d marry me at the age of 30 if I hadn’t found true Love by then. I took her up on the offer and now find myself pondering whether to put off seeing anyone else just so I can marry her in 10 years time. Ah, decisions, decisions. The Arrow comes to a halt. We’ve arrived in Newbridge Station and in a strange way I feel that I somehow have gained an insight into Love. It’s all around.

Trains, Buses & Automobiles by Liam Geraghty appears every week in the Kildare Nationalist (page 6)

Posted by LiamG at June 5, 2005 08:52 PM