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June 05, 2005

Put The Credit Card Down and Back Away From the Shop

This week I finally made it up to Dublin to go shopping for clothes. Amazingly I caught the 9.56am Arrow from Newbridge Station. It’s amazing because I usually aim to get that train, but in my heart I know that I won’t be there in time for it and thus, I have to settle for the 10.40am train. Eventually I was in the city centre and eager to get started. You see, for years I thought shopping for clothes was quite possibly the most unadventurous thing you could do in a day. Then one morning, after becoming sick of wearing the same ol’ gear all the time, I decided I’d go and buy a few new clothing items. Just a few mind you. A jumper and maybe a pair of socks. So it was during that day I was converted. I spent hours in the city; oblivious to the weight of each new bag I was carrying. I was in heaven. If I recall correctly, I withdrew every last penny from my bank account and then went over my credit card limit. I was indestructible.

So this week, as I was saying, I was eager to get started. The agenda was to get some light clothes that would adorn me on my voyage to America. Yes, the land of the free and what not. I’ve been invited to read from this very column at a hip reading series in New York. So as you can imagine, I needed to get some clothes that would suit the extremely agreeable climate of the Big Apple. Currently, my wardrobe consists of heavy jumpers, jackets, coats and gloves and they’re just for an Irish summer! My first port of call was Henry St.

Now the thing about Henry St. is it’s systematically guaranteed that while walking through it, a beautiful girl will ask you if you want to buy a scratch card for people who are addicted to alcohol. It’s a flawlessly proven fact. There is no possible way you can escape. Because unlike other charitity volunteers these girls don’t wear big t-shirts bearing a recognisable charity logo. They’re dressed in plain clothes. They’re the undercover cops of the charity world. How do I know all this? Because I’ve bought so many of their scratch cards that they now need to try and sell other people scratch cards in aid of helping my addiction to their scratch cards. With this in mind I turned the corner at the GPO and into Henry St. Just be calm, I told myself. Watch out for any gorgeous girls and then walk away from them, I kept saying to myself. No sooner then 39 steps into Henry St. a girl literally jumped in front of me. It was time to take a stand. “Sorry,” I said, “I’m in a hurry,” and kept walking but to my horror she replied with “It’s ok, I can walk with you.” Honest to God she actually started to walk along Henry St. with me. I was completely taken a back by her counter-attack. They must do rigorous training. The only way I could get rid of her and go shopping was to by a blasted scratch card, which I did.

Finally I got to start my shopping extravaganza. I headed straight for Roches Stores – probably the best place to buy journalist clothes. Their second floor is devoted to menswear and is made up of many different branded shops. In Springfield something bordering on the hallucinogenic happened. Everything else seemed to melt away and all I could see was this awe-inspiring cream linen suit. It was something that somebody in an Agatha Christie book would wear. But that’s not what I saw. What I saw was – Liam’s New Travelling Suit. I snapped it up immediately. What followed after that was nothing but pure indulgence in the Spanish shop – Zara. Strictly speaking I didn’t really buy that many light items of clothing. I always was more of a winter person.

Bags in hand and the Liam Geraghty Estate in debt, I made my way back to Heuston Station to catch the 3.05pm train home. Whilst aboard, word came through that the polictically minded Newbridge band, La Poderosa had paid homage to this very column at the gig out in Ryston. Before they began playing, their bass guitarist Dan Harrigan went up to the mic and said, “This is an original song dedicated to Liam Geraghty whose column ‘Trains, Buses & Automobiles’ has been a huge inspiration to our band and our music. I suggest you all go out and buy a Nationalist this very instant.” The song that Dan, Joe Byrne (guitarist, vocals) and Rob Conlon (drums) then played was called ‘Bahia de Cochinoes’. $chmackey & the Salads may be in danger of losing their coveted position of this column’s house band to La Poderosa. Perhaps they could battle it out over the title, but then again there might not be anyone left to play. I wonder what Garth Brooks is up to these days . . .

Trains, Buses & Automobiles by Liam Geraghty appears every week in the Kildare Nationalist (page 6)

Posted by LiamG at June 5, 2005 09:37 PM