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June 05, 2005

Morally Speaking

Tuesday 13th July – Newbridge Train Station

Today I met up with Shane Mackey, lead vocalist of cult Newbridge band $chmackey and the Salads in Newbridge station. He was already there when I arrived with my trademark lateness. Luckily the 10.40am Arrow arrived with its trademark lateness too. Onboard, we were joined by Vincent the ticket guy who told us all about the special offer day return ticket. Basically, for €8 you can travel to Dublin and back permitting you don’t use the train at peak times and most importantly, as Vincent stressed, you MUST be back before 4pm. It’s kind of like the Cinderella story only without the glass slippers. So, bamboozled by talk of low fares, I got me one of them there €8 tickets. After Vincent had gone around checking to see if everyone’s tickets were in order he came back to chat with Shane and yours truly. “So,” says Vincent, “What do ya think of the service on the train? Honestly. Go on, what do ya think of it?” Talk about putting me on the spot. However when I gave it a fleeting consideration, I came to the conclusion that the service was, in fact, quite good. Most of the ticket guys are friendly. Most. Vincent regaled us with tales from his adventures across Europe by train. On the whole, his engaging stories proved to be un-publishable but trust me, they’re good.

When we arrived in Hueston, the Peter Ustinov of train stations, myself and Shane mosied on down to the buses queuing up outside the front entrance. Aboard the near empty bus, we sat upstairs at the very back where, lead singers of cult bands usually sit and not at the front, where spectacled journalists of cult columns usually sit. For this injustice, I went about explaining to Shane how me and world famous reporter Tintin have so many things in common. Shane hates this speech with a vengeance. It’s the one where I point out how me and Tintin both have youthful visages, we both travel a lot and we’re both world famous. Not to mention his dog is called Snowy and mine’s called Lucky. Something’s just ain’t coincidence. I proceed to elaborate on how Tintin was the reporter I aspired to be like throughout my years in journalism college. Somehow though, as we pass the Four Courts, the fact that Tintin has an unusual name leads the conversation to confirmation names. Mine’s Phillip. Phillip. Yes, Phillip. It’s so cruel of the church to give you the opportunity to christen yourself with a really cool middle name when you’re only twelve. I mean when your twelve you don’t have the common sense to choose a really great name like Harper or Daniel. Instead you try and name yourself after Alf or Kermit or whoever it is you kids like these days. Then when you’re told a Saint has to have had the name you choose so you end choosing Phillip. And to think I could have been Liam Thomas Tintin Geraghty.

So eventually we arrive at O’Connell Bridge where we hop off the bus and race down to the UGC Cinema on Parnell St. We spend around six hours straight in the cinema watching Shrek 2 and then Fahrenheit 9/11. Afterwards it was like God rewinding our whole trip as we raced back to Hueston Station trying to catch a train before 4pm but hopelessly failing in that it was already 5pm. MORAL: Remember that special offers usually have a catch and that choosing a rubbish confirmation name can scar you for life.

Trains, Buses & Automobiles by Liam Geraghty appears every week in the Kildare Nationalist (page 6)

Posted by LiamG at June 5, 2005 09:34 PM