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June 05, 2005

Dodgy Flouncy Dress

What a week it’s been in the farcical escapades of yours truly. Monday 29th March I’m sitting at Newbridge Train Station with Paul Winters. He and I have just missed the 8.45am Arrow and are waiting patiently for the 9.55am Arrow. We’re the only commuters in the whole station. Every couple of minutes a rather sensual pre-recorded lady voice reminds us that “this is a non-smoking station” and every time she says it, Winters and me shout out “WE DON’T SMOKE!” Which may not be entirely true but shouting is always fun. As we sit and wait, several high speed trains thunder by us and each time we stick out our thumbs in order to hitch a ride but strangely, the drivers never stop. It’s now 9.55am and in the distance we can hear the rumble of the Arrow approaching.

Wednesday 31st March Got a taxi down to Newbridge Train Station this morning. My driver says I should do a column on why football referees always get their own way. And in an obscure sort of way, I have. Walking up the steps I meet the legendary impresario Paddy Melia whose also heading up to Dublin and with trouble in mind, I’ll bet! We take a leisurely stroll along the platform, weaving in and out of the students, the business-looking-types, the civil servants (I can spot them a mile away!) and the rest. We bump into none other than the irrepressible Shane Mackey, lead vocalist of the Newbridge band, $chmackey and the Salads. Go figure. The three of us hop onto the 9.55am Arrow when it arrives and gather around ye olde Arrow table. “Did you cycle down on your bike?” asks Melia. “I most certainly did not,” I reply. “I caught a taxi.” Melia looks across to Shane. “Did you here that? A taxi. Very fancy.” I cringe. While, yes, I did used to cycle Trusty Rusty down to the station in all manner of tempests last year, this year is an entirely different matter. This year I’m cosmopolitan. Sophisticated. I travel in taxis and jets and things. By the time we arrive in Hueston Station, I’ve made up my mind to go to a press screening of the zombie film, ‘Shaun of the Dead instead of going to college. My motto is ‘if your offered the perks, take em’!’ (Ed’s note: Stay in school kids.)

Friday 2nd April

Met civil servant, Murtagh Corrigan in Hueston. Referring to last week’s column (which incidentally resulted in several lawsuits) he says, “Your just like Carrie Bradshaw. Only instead of Sex in the City it’s Lust on the Arrow. If I ever see you in a dodgy flouncy dress and expensive dodgy shoes I’ll reassure your folks that your just getting into character.” Thank God for that. I’m sitting on the 5.20pm Arrow heading home to scenic Newbridge. I’m engrossed in the comic book I’m reading. It’s Tintin. I just can’t get enough of Tintin comic books. He’s a reporter (like me!) who travels (like me!) around Europe exposing various drug/money/UFO scandals (like me! Well…). Just as Tintin is about to whack some Russian communist over the head, the ticket collector arrives in my carriage. “Tickets please!” When he gets to me, he stares a little bit, looks at the comic and then says, “Are you the guy that writes about Irish Rail?” A little excited at being recognised, I reply, “I am he. Would you like a signed 4x4 glossy?” He looks serious. “You should be careful,” he whispers, “Iarnród Éireann are trying to have you assassinated.” Aw crap.

Trains, Buses & Automobiles by Liam Geraghty appears every week in the Kildare Nationalist (page 6)

Posted by LiamG at June 5, 2005 08:54 PM