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June 11, 2005

Ctrl Alt Del

Bloody technology. Is it just me or does it always pack up just when you need it most? Take computers. The Daddy of all technological mishaps. Your sitting there typing up a ten page document and then out of the blue the whole PC crashes. End of story. Now the tech whiz kids will argue that the nice people at Microsoft, bless them, have come up with all sorts of in-genius ways to save your work in case their machines crash but why in God’s name don’t they spend their time getting there software up to scratch in the first place. I mean who remembers the infamous Windows 95/98 message that used to pop up on your screen every so often telling you that you’d “performed an illegal operation”? Oh really? Since when has playing Minesweeper become an “illegal operation”. Oh it’s a sorry state of affairs when your own personal computer is accusing you of criminal activities. Bloody Bill Gates. I’d like to put him through a few Windows and see how he likes it.

Another amazing “technical innovation” is the Eircom 1901 twenty-four hour help line which I got acquainted with this week. There I was about to go online and check my e-mail when I got the ol’ “no dial tone is detected” message. Great. Just great. I get down on the floor and fiddle with the phone cable for a while, every so often trying to go online but to no result. Then I try the phone itself. Also on the blink. So I ring 1901 from my mobile to talk to a robot about the situation. Story of my life, folks, story of my life. The Eircom robot is truly a marvel though. He has an answer for everything and sort of sounds like an Irish Cary Grant. The thing about him is that you don’t need to press “1” for sales or any of that jazz. You actually talk to him and he can pick up on phrases. He’s a friend to the friendless. In fact when he gets it wrong he says “Sorry, my mistake.” Couldn’t help laughing when I tell him my problem and he says “I don’t actual deal with that myself but I’ll put you through to someone who does.”

Didn’t expect him to be dealing with my problem himself considering he’s a pre-recorded voice. By the end of our enlightened conversation I’m convinced he’s more like HAL the psychotic computer from 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY than Cary Grant. Bloody robots. If their not taking over the world, they’re putting you on hold. (***If your computer isn’t on the blink, you can e-mail all comments to liam@liamgeraghty.com***)

Trains, Buses & Automobiles by Liam Geraghty appears every week in the Kildare Nationalist.

Posted by LiamG at June 11, 2005 01:33 AM