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June 05, 2005

AHHHHRRRRrrrrhhhhhhhhh!

Wednesday 20th May

“AHHHHRRRRrrrrhhhhhhhhh!” was something like the roar heard on O’Connell Bridge last Wednesday. Until that point everything had been going swimmingly. I did some impulse shopping on Grafton St. Had lunch with two lovely Donegal girls and conversed with Alan Neary, sports reporter for The Star, on my most favourite of topics – literature. All was well with the world. That is until I checked my train timetable. “AHHHHRRRRrrrrhhhhhhhhh!” The yell radiated outward causing people down at the GPO to turn their heads in unison. To my obvious dismay, my timetable stated that the next train wasn’t until 1.40pm. That was nearly two hours away! My disbelief at such a glaring gap of trains headed to Newbridge was overwhelming. Some more retail therapy was in order to calm myself down.

Decided on Eason’s as the recipient of my wallet’s contents. Yet whilst in the travel books section my blasted phone began ringing like an amplified Big Ben, giving rise to many an eyebrow. “Hello,” I whispered. “Liam, you sound like you just got outta bed,” said the voice. “I’m in a bookstore,” I whispered back. “Eason’s? Great. I’ll meet you outside in a minute.” ‘CLICK’ I opened my mouth to reply but the mystery caller had already hung up. Drat. Without knowing who exactly was on the other end of the phone, I may have unwittingly set myself up to meet someone I was trying to avoid. They’re aren’t many people I try and avoid but the ones that I do, more than make up for that fact.

So, standing on the steps beneath the big green Eason’s clock I stared out in to the human traffic trying to spot whomever I had inadvertently arranged to meet. As the minutes passed by so did a menagerie of people. The face in the crowd stood out instantly – Shane Mackey, lead vocalist of Newbridge band $chmackey and the Salads. Certainly not someone I was trying to avoid, thank God. As it turned out, he too had been hindered by the incessant madness of Iarnród Éireann’s timetable. In fraternal solidarity we decided to get a bite to eat and since we were already at Eason’s I suggested the Muse Café on the 2nd floor. This came as a shock to Shane who didn’t even know there was a café in the building but with such an Artsy name as ‘the Muse’ he wasn’t to keen to visit it. As the café filled with various bohemians and book readers came into view, Shane quipped, “Do we have a reservation?”

After choosing the Tomato Soup special, I joined Shane at the table. “So how are you and the rest of the Salads getting on after your electric debut performance at the Bealtaine Youth Day?” I asked whilst dipping my bread into the soup. Shane told me all about the band’s new clothing line of Salad T-Shirts that have gone into production. At this I suddenly remembered a website I had created which was to sell Official Liam GeraghtyÔ Merchandise over the Net. Of it’s grand total of three products, my online shop sold a Liam Geraghty Mug, a Liam Geraghty Bag and, I kid you not, an official Liam Geraghty Thong. Yes, with my face adorning it. Don’t believe me? Take a look for yourself at www.cafeshops.com/liamonline They’ll be worth thousands in years to come.

Time passed quickly with tea and good conversation, myself and Shane made way for the number 90 bus. On the way down to Heuston Station, Shane asked if I wanted to play ‘Bollix’. Now for those of you mature enough to never have played ‘Bollix’ let me elaborate a little. It involves two people taking turns saying, you guessed it, ‘Bollix’ on the bus and each time the word must be said louder and louder until one person quits from the embarrassment. Sufficed to say, readers, I refused point blank to play such a game. At this, Shane bargained that we could change the word ‘Bollix’ to ‘Kildare Nationalist’ and get in some free publicity while we were at it. However tempted I was to partake, I kept my dignity (and more importantly my seat on the bus!)

After a pleasant Arrow journey home, we bid adieu and I headed back to my humble abode. But no sooner had I got home, there came a knock on the door. It was none other than Paddy Kennedy an Independent candidate in the local elections along with Con O’Hanlon. “Is anyone around?” said Paddy. Now this is the question I’ve been listening to various different candidates asking me over the last few days. They ask it because of my youthful visage. They’d never believe that I was in fact twenty. No really, I am. Normally, I would just say, “No, there’s no one home” and the candidate would usually just give me a leaflet to pass on. Little do they know they’re losing a voter in doing so. So where was I? Oh, yes. Paddy Kennedy and Con O’Hanlon had just arrived at the door and I admitted that I had a vote. This was my first mistake. I had unintentionally disarmed myself and thus, became vulnerable to “Here’s why you should vote for me…” banter. Paddy first said that he wasn’t a politician but that he was an independent. Which is a good start I guess. Then, drawing from my youthful visage, he asked “So are ya into the skateboarding?” Clever. Now he’s getting to the issues that I look like I should be interested in. But I tell him flat out “Skateboarding? Me? No.” During the course of our conversation it emerges that Paddy and Con both know my Dad, Bill. “Sure I know all the Geraghty’s,” says Con. Upon leaving, Con turns and asks, “Do you play football at all?” “No,” I reply “not really.” (A phrase that here means ‘Never. Non. Nein.’) Con is slightly taken a back. “A Geraghty that doesn’t play football? That’s a sin!” And with that, off he went.

Trains, Buses & Automobiles by Liam Geraghty appears every week in the Kildare Nationalist (page 6

Posted by LiamG at June 5, 2005 09:16 PM